


Cas, stop breaking the Words of God

by tangerine (arte)



Series: Chuck and Gabe's Ship and Talk [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chuck as God, Crack, Gen, Season/Series 09 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2145381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arte/pseuds/tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An archangel and God walked into a bar.</p><p>"You know," the God partial to being called Chuck complained. "I don't understand what Cas has got against my writing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cas, stop breaking the Words of God

An archangel and God walked into a bar. To be more accurate, the bar popped into existence around them and no one could walk in there because it existed in an isolated demension, but it was still a very nice bar.

"You know," the God partial to being called Chuck complained. "I don't understand what Cas has got against my writing."

"He's not the only one." With a snap, _Supernatural_ book appeared in Gabriel's hand. He flipped through the pages. "Even if you disregard the mindfuckery of the storyline, just look at this." He pointed at the random passage of the book. " _Some thought it was only a terrible accident, but as we all know, accidents just don't happen accidentally._ Seriously, did you even read what you wrote?"

"Of course, I'm glad that he said no to the Apocalypse," Chuck continued, ignoring the horrible slender against his skill. "But he popped out of nowhere as I was just about to wrap up the series. Do you know how much frantic rewriting I had to do to get another plausible ending? It took extra 22 books!"

"Dad, you brought the kid back from death once, no wait, twice, no, fuck-knows-how-many-times with no explanation. You call that plausible?"

The writer glared. "Some sympathy would be nice."

Gabriel arched an eyebrow. "Which one of us got stabbed by Lucifer, might I ask?"

Chuck poured the angel a drink.

"Sorry about your earlier writing being found, though," the Messenger tried the sympathy thing.

Chuck banged his head against the table. "How did they even found those things?" He groaned out loud."I fucking buried them!"

"Yeah, and you buried them for a reason," Gabriel nodded sagely. "You sucked so bad you gave a Prophet a seizure when he tried to read them."

"They were my earlier attempts at writing!" God protested. "I got better."

"Into writing the variation of the word _accident_ three times in one sentence," the Messenger didn't fail to point this out.

"I said I was sorry for almost killing you off. There's no reason for this continued sass."

"It's just how I show my love," the angel batted his eyes innocently. God suppressed a sigh.

Children.

"Anyway, back to the topic," the writer said as he chucked(heh) his own drink down. "What does Cas have against my works? I mean, Cas comes across the Leviathan Tablet, he drops it into pieces. Cas finds the Demon Tablet, he breaks it in half. Granted, those two times could be considered as accident, stop snickering Gabriel, but the Angel Tablet, he freaking smashed it!"

Gabriel waved his hand. "Hello, Metatron? He took your bad writing and turned it into utter trash."

Chuck was not amused. "Your high regards for me always warm my heart, Gabriel."

"You're welcome," the angel replied smugly as he pulled a handful of candies out of thin air. He kindly offered one to God, but he declined. Gabriel shrugged. His loss. "But the Angel Tablet, what did you expect? Dean Winchester was in danger."

"Yeah, Cas is a tad bit protective of Dean," Chuck conceded. "I initially did write him into the Winchester Gospel so he could provide some guidance to the brothers, but he was more protective than I had expected."

Gabriel goggled. " _A tad bit_ protective? Dad, the kid molotoved Michael so Dean could talk to his precious brother for 5 minutes. He concocted a plan to open the purgatory and smite the crap out of Raphael so Dean could peacefully rake goddamed leaves. He threw himself at Leviathan while he was half out of his mind because Dick attacked Dean. Do you see a pattern here? You so much as look at the Winchester the wrong way, and BOOM! You're dead," the archangel threw his hands up. "The kid is fuckung crazy. Honestly, I'm surprised that he didn't find a way to erase my existence for having trapped Dean in the Mystery Spot."

Chuck mulled over the onslaught of information. "I have no idea how Cas turned out like this."

"You tell me," the Messenger said dryly. "How did you write this epic pining without meaning to?"

"I stopped trying to dictate the story a while ago. The story goes wherever my children want it to go."

"So no plan for Divine Intervention?" the angel rolled the candy around his mouth. "Their mutual, yet oblivious pining is getting somewhat ridiculous."

"Did you not just hear Cas' track record of breaking My Words? No thanks," Chuck shrugged. "I'll let them write their own stories as always."

Gabriel gave him an unimpressed look. "With a small dose of inexplicable resurrections, you mean?"

God smiled. "I do work in a mysterious way."


End file.
